My wish to weave words into forms

I wish to plan and plan to organise,
I wish to utilise my time more constructively and more productively.
I wish to write and write and keep writing and what will I write, I do not know,
but I do wish to write more and more and continue doing so ceaselessly without any interruption.

I feel as I write words would flow and the closed doors of my mind would get re-opened and the accumulated thoughts, nurtured dreams, the worries, the agonies, memories of turbulent times.....all thoughts somewhere suppressed in some corner of my mind would be ventilated.....
I wish to write about the cherished dreams,
dreams of wishes again, wishes which are unfulfilled and accomplishments unattained....
I wish to create a wish-list, for myself....
but are those wishes I used to have....
where are those?????????/
There were wishes, dreams, aspirations....where have they all gone, I cannot find any....
probably I can re-discover those hidden treasure buried under layers and layers of discouragements and obstacles created by the the time to time changing atmosphere....
I now wish that if I write, I will be able to bring back that zeal, that enthusiasm, that vibrance, that cheerfullness, I used to have earlier.....
now I feel the necessity to bring that zest for life back to my life,
and writing can help me doing so....
I wish I could write and play with words even with closed eys because sometimes with closed eyes, we get to see things which are unreal, imagination, fantasy and weave words with colours as vibrant as rainbow and thoughts as free as the flow of a river....
Yes, I love to write as it makes me happy. They say that one should find time for doing things that give happiness. I ask myself, do I have time for myself.....
Sometimes, I feel, yes I do have time for myself but if that time, truly belongs to me, how can I feel guilty for the same.....why is this mind chained with burden s of guilt....
This thought again brings me back to where Iam
my writing has not yet taken a start