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9 Steps Towards Assertive Behaviour

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Krishna_D.]Krishna D. 

Assertive behaviour is " a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view" according to Dorland's Medical Dictionary.

The concept of Assertiveness came into public focus with the help of books like:

1. Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert E. Alberti, and 

2. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J. Smith.

These days Training on Assertiveness has become very popular. The usual content of Assertiveness training includes:

1. To enable people understand the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness,

2. To enable people understand the difference between passive behaviour and assertive behaviour,

3. To create awareness of personal rights,

4. To inculcate the skills of verbal and non-verbal assertivness

5. To develop the capability of fulfilling one's wants and desires through proper communication and cooperation,

6. To enable people express their thoughts, views, opinions, wishes, desires etc in a confident and comfortable manner,

7. To develop the ability to initiate and maintain healthy social relationship with others,

8. To enable people control their anger constructively. Anger comes with tremendous energy, if it is used effectively and productively, it will bring positive outcomes and vice versa.

9. To develop positive self esteem as it is closely associated with Assertiveness.

According to Robert G. Jerus, the following 9 steps will enable us to be more assertive thereby maintain a harmonious relation with others. [Robert G. Jerus is the founder of Success Dynamics International, which empowers organizations to perform at exceptional levels by releasing the power of communication.]

1. The first step is to understand the distinction between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Assertive people believe in promoting their own rights rather than stepping on those of others. They have utmost respect for others' rights at the same time.

2. We need to have clear boundaries in our minds while dealing with others.

When we are clear about our limits and boundaries, others will also come to know about their limits as well.

3. We should let people know our position politely without allowing our position or point of view, be ignored. Our needs are also important.

4. We should affirm ourselves and our good qualities with pride and confidence. This will surely boost our self-confidence and enhance positive self-esteem.

5. We should be very clear about what we want. There is a time and a place to go along with others but there is also a time to reach for our own dreams.

6. We should avoid being timid. Aggressive people tend to step into the rights of others whereas passive people go on sacrificing their own rights just to please others.

7. The ability to say either YES or NO clearly and to be able to stand for the answer makes a person assertive. We should develop our opinions and maintain them.

8. Avoiding arrogance is another important point. The tendency to dominate and control others is often disliked by people. Such attitude needs to be overcome. 

9. We need to learn to value ourselves and our viewpoints. At the same time, people around us should be able to understand our viewpoint and recognize those as significant.

A win-win approach is an example of assertiveness. The goal of assertive behaviour goes much beyond just speaking for one's own rights. One should be able to create an urge to listen in the mind of the other person. We need to respect our own rights and also the feelings and sentiments of others.

The Golden rule is to speak to others in a way they wish to be spoken to. Dr. Stephen Covey in his famous book '7 habits of highly effective people' said that we should try to understand the emotions behind words spoken by others.

Books available on the topic:

• Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in your Life and Relationships, by Robert E. Alberti & Michael Emmons (San Luis Obispo, Impact Publishers, 2001).

• When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, by Manuel Smith (New York: Bantam Books, 1975)

• The Assertive Option: Your Rights & Responsibilities, by Patricia Jakubowski and Arthur J. Lange (Champaign, Ill, Research Press, 1978).

• Assert Yourself: How to Be Your Own Person, by Merna Dee Galassi (New York, Human Sciences Press, 1977).

• How to be an Asser tive (Not Aggressive) Woman in Life, in Love, and on the Job, by Jean Baer (New York, NAL/Dutton, 1991).

• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton (2nd ed., New York, Penguin Books, 1991).

The Golden rule is to speak to others in a way they wish to be spoken to. Dr. Stephen Covey in his famous book '7 habits of highly effective people' said that we should try to understand the emotions behind words spoken by others.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?9-Steps-Towards-Assertive-Behaviour&id=7040360] 9 Steps Towards Assertive Behaviour

9 Steps to Overcome Procrastination

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Krishna_D.]Krishna D.

Success comes easy to the person who works hard relentlessly. Hard work is the only important factor that can bring success in all spheres of life. It can bring good health, healthy relationships, positive thoughts, pleasant disposition and finally abundance of wealth. We all know that how important it is to work hard.

Sometimes knowing these points fully well, we tend to delay our work. It actually happens with me most of the time, I plan to start something new. I'm sure, it happens with all of us. But why do we delay when we know that time is precious and wasting a single moment will not be good for us. There can be several reasons behind this delay:

1. Perfectionism
2. Multi-tasking
3. Phobias: Fear of the unknown, fear of failure

1. Perfectionism: There are two types of perfectionism: Adaptive and Mal-adaptive.

Mal-adaptive: People with Mal-adaptive perfectionism tend to set unrealistic goals for themselves and often delay work as they think they might not be able to meet the standards set by them. They find any kind of mistake as unacceptable. They think that even the simplest of mistakes can hinder their impression on others. Others may consider them as incompetent. For them, others' opinion of themselves is very important. It is a matter of their self-esteem. This often holds them back from initiating a new work.

Adaptive: People with Adaptive Perfectionism always strive to improve themselves. They are optimistic by nature. They have a healthy and positive approach towards perfectionism.

2. Multi-tasking: Today's busy life-style demands multi-tasking at times. But there are people who often are not able to concentrate on one task at time and even before completing the task at hand they deviate their attention on something else, thereby negligence towards both the task and finally leaving them incomplete.

3. Phobias: Phobias can be of several types. In this context, it can fear of failure and fear of criticism. Sometimes people set unrealistic goals and when they are not able to complete it on time, they reject or dismiss themselves. They suffer from self-criticism and lock themselves in their self-imposed imprisonment thinking that people will reject them and criticize them.

An excessive quest for reaching certain self-prescribed standards of perfectionism can adversely affect a person's overall health and his/her relationship with others. They may suffer from depression, migraine, personality disorders. All these can negatively affect productivity and performance.

The following 9 points suggest that Procrastination can be overcome step by step:

1. Behaviour needs to be identified: We need to find out if we are suffering from mal-adaptive behaviour which is putting us back and is holding us from starting new work or complete the incomplete ones. We need to make a list of things that we wish to do perfectly. We also need to find out the usual things we postpone because of the fear of imperfection. Self introspection will give a clarity and we can help ourselves in overcoming procrastination.

2. Each behaviour needs to dealt with, one by one. Once we identify the areas where we usually tend to procrastinate, we can challenge those areas and work on it. We need to face the weak areas and strive to come out of it. For example, if a person finds it difficult to delegate work and every time works very hard to do everything by himself, only because of his own designed standards of perfectionism, he should try to delegate a small piece of work and wait till the work gets done. Step by step approach will help in getting things done on time and through effective supervision certain standards of perfectionism can be achieved.

3. Goals need to be specific and realistic in nature. We need to set only those goals which are achievable within a certain time frame and with the available resources. Goals are dreams with a deadline. We need to make a list of our long-term dreams. And then set long-term, mid-term and short-term goals for each dream. Here the time should be very specific. Short time goals can be set on hourly, daily and weekly basis. Every time we need to ask ourselves very clearly "Will I be able to complete this work in another one hour's time?" And an honest answer based on an understanding of our own abilities and other circumstances will help us in taking the right decision. Once we are able to accomplish small goals, we will be able to get back our self-esteem and the confidence to achieve the next goal and all other goals increase.

4. Understanding our own emotions. Every time we set a goal, we need to check if we have set a goal which is too high and practically not possible to achieve within the allotted time. Listening to our own mind will help in finding the right amount of time needed to accomplish a work.

5. Overcome fear of failure: We need not so harsh on ourselves. Self-criticism can badly hurt our self-esteem. Mistakes are made by everyone. Mistakes and failures enable us to learn a lot from them. These should be taken as learning experiences. Each mistake takes us a step closer to our goal as we discover one way which we need to avoid while doing it the next time.

6. Self-criticism must be avoided: We need to check what we say to ourselves. Negative self talks hamper our self image and may curb our confidence to face the world. Positive self talk energizes us with optimism and courage to do deliver our best. We should be confident of our own abilities and appreciate ourselves for our good qualities instead of setting too high personal expectations and rules.

7. Self-discipline: Self-discipline is one of the most important measures to over procrastination. Self-discipline involves time-management. We should be very clear about priorities in life. We need to analyze and focus upon things which are important for us and consider allocating time for each action appropriately so that we can make best use of our time without compromising our comfort, happiness, relaxation and our mental as well as physical well-being.

8. Time for self: We need to find time for our hobbies or for other things in life which gives happiness and relaxation like reading, photography or even playing with children. Life will become a burden if we constantly think about goals and deadlines. We need to enjoy and live the present time joyfully. This sort of small escapes will lead to positive thoughts and clarity of mind.

9. Focus single-mindedly on the task at hand: Focus and concentration of mind has tremendous power. Whatever we do, if we give our 100% attention to it, nothing can stop us from finishing the work on time thereby generating a feeling of wellbeing.

The above listed points can help us in overcoming the problem of procrastination.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?9-Steps-to-Overcome-Procrastination&id=6960269] 9 Steps to Overcome Procrastination