9 Steps Towards Assertive Behaviour

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Krishna_D.]Krishna D. 

Assertive behaviour is " a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view" according to Dorland's Medical Dictionary.

The concept of Assertiveness came into public focus with the help of books like:

1. Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert E. Alberti, and 

2. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J. Smith.

These days Training on Assertiveness has become very popular. The usual content of Assertiveness training includes:

1. To enable people understand the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness,

2. To enable people understand the difference between passive behaviour and assertive behaviour,

3. To create awareness of personal rights,

4. To inculcate the skills of verbal and non-verbal assertivness

5. To develop the capability of fulfilling one's wants and desires through proper communication and cooperation,

6. To enable people express their thoughts, views, opinions, wishes, desires etc in a confident and comfortable manner,

7. To develop the ability to initiate and maintain healthy social relationship with others,

8. To enable people control their anger constructively. Anger comes with tremendous energy, if it is used effectively and productively, it will bring positive outcomes and vice versa.

9. To develop positive self esteem as it is closely associated with Assertiveness.

According to Robert G. Jerus, the following 9 steps will enable us to be more assertive thereby maintain a harmonious relation with others. [Robert G. Jerus is the founder of Success Dynamics International, which empowers organizations to perform at exceptional levels by releasing the power of communication.]

1. The first step is to understand the distinction between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Assertive people believe in promoting their own rights rather than stepping on those of others. They have utmost respect for others' rights at the same time.

2. We need to have clear boundaries in our minds while dealing with others.

When we are clear about our limits and boundaries, others will also come to know about their limits as well.

3. We should let people know our position politely without allowing our position or point of view, be ignored. Our needs are also important.

4. We should affirm ourselves and our good qualities with pride and confidence. This will surely boost our self-confidence and enhance positive self-esteem.

5. We should be very clear about what we want. There is a time and a place to go along with others but there is also a time to reach for our own dreams.

6. We should avoid being timid. Aggressive people tend to step into the rights of others whereas passive people go on sacrificing their own rights just to please others.

7. The ability to say either YES or NO clearly and to be able to stand for the answer makes a person assertive. We should develop our opinions and maintain them.

8. Avoiding arrogance is another important point. The tendency to dominate and control others is often disliked by people. Such attitude needs to be overcome. 

9. We need to learn to value ourselves and our viewpoints. At the same time, people around us should be able to understand our viewpoint and recognize those as significant.

A win-win approach is an example of assertiveness. The goal of assertive behaviour goes much beyond just speaking for one's own rights. One should be able to create an urge to listen in the mind of the other person. We need to respect our own rights and also the feelings and sentiments of others.

The Golden rule is to speak to others in a way they wish to be spoken to. Dr. Stephen Covey in his famous book '7 habits of highly effective people' said that we should try to understand the emotions behind words spoken by others.

Books available on the topic:

• Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in your Life and Relationships, by Robert E. Alberti & Michael Emmons (San Luis Obispo, Impact Publishers, 2001).

• When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, by Manuel Smith (New York: Bantam Books, 1975)

• The Assertive Option: Your Rights & Responsibilities, by Patricia Jakubowski and Arthur J. Lange (Champaign, Ill, Research Press, 1978).

• Assert Yourself: How to Be Your Own Person, by Merna Dee Galassi (New York, Human Sciences Press, 1977).

• How to be an Asser tive (Not Aggressive) Woman in Life, in Love, and on the Job, by Jean Baer (New York, NAL/Dutton, 1991).

• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton (2nd ed., New York, Penguin Books, 1991).

The Golden rule is to speak to others in a way they wish to be spoken to. Dr. Stephen Covey in his famous book '7 habits of highly effective people' said that we should try to understand the emotions behind words spoken by others.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?9-Steps-Towards-Assertive-Behaviour&id=7040360] 9 Steps Towards Assertive Behaviour